Anyone who's been through anything like this before knows it's a huge emotional roller coaster. It took us two and a half years to get pregnant with our first child so I was expecting it to be worth it but tough and that I'd more or less be able to handle it (despite being a mega planner and knowing there would be a whole host of things I wouldn't be able to plan for).
Point: It's only been a handful of months, but we're about to transition our second foster kiddo out of our home.
I truly hate it when people learn you're a foster parent and they automatically say "I wouldn't be able to" or "It would be too hard for me" or the worst "I'd get too attached." Hellooooo! Do you realize what you just said to me? Anyone who knows me knows I don't cry much. That said, I've always felt like my emotions have run in high gear my whole life and it's taken me decades to get them under control/force myself to clamp my mouth shut before I speak, not react until I process, etc. I'm definitely not perfect, but I'm way better than I used to be. I struggle *really* hard when people say those things. It isn't just me. It's pretty much every foster parent I've met (well, every one I'm willing to interact with a second time, which is most foster parents): we do get attached. We are in charge of giving these children unconditional love and firm boundaries to help them feel secure and help them grow into their best selves.
Point: our first foster kiddo, A (as we call her online) was an adorable sweetheart who mispronounced family (flamily...SO hilarious) every single time. Within two weeks, it seemed very obvious that A was attached to Relative in a big way. As much as a foster parent can do, we advocated for her to be able to live with Relative. I was able to meet Relative fairly early in that situation and it was just *right* for them to be together. There was no doubt. Yay for a plan of action. A transitioned out of our home and into Relative's house with no hiccups. Yes. I was advocating for it. Yes. I firmly believe that's what was best for A. Yes. I bawled my little Hannah eyeballs out. Once when we got the news and again right after she left.
About a week after A left, Shakira (as we call her online) came into our home. Situations are always very different. That's obviously to be expected. However... Well... Long story short, not only did everyone make it seem like Shakira would be with us for quite some time, but I also had two (TWO) people in the case ask me if I'd be willing to take the sibling once available. So, yes, we reorganized everything (our space around the house, our lives, I bought everything we'd need for startup, we updated our license, ALL of that jazz). It didn't matter that Hubby is scheduled to leave right around the time Sibling was supposed to be coming to our home. It seemed like a terrifying but right choice. Then (because nothing ever works out how I plan), we got an uber curve ball. Instead of getting word that Sibling was ready to come to our home, we were informed that Shakira will be leaving to live elsewhere. "I'd get too attached." Yeah. No duh. We all get too attached. Especially me. Especially when I'm expecting to keep her plus Sibling for a medium to extended length of time. "It would be too hard." Of course. Hubby even saw me cry. I'm utterly heartbroken. I won't jazz it up or try and sugar coat it.
That said, I've been struggling really hard to try and find the few positives I can think of. And I have to believe that it will all end up for the best, both for Shakira and for us.
I have a foster friend who jokes about how she has the long-foster juju because all of the fosters she's ever had have been 1-3 years in length in her home. I'm afraid to say that I apparently have the short term foster juju which is not exactly easy or helpful. Pretty much it just sucks. Right as we get everything Kiddo needs and right as we finally find a good routine, they move on. It totally sucks, even if it ends up being the right thing once it's all said and done.
So...that's my update. We have been fostering. We've actually helped two separate kiddos during this tough time of their lives. I've given it my all and I guess that's all I can do.
Until next time...
Over and out...
See ya later alligator...
Adios amigos...
And all that jazz.
